[Wonderwhy's Blog]
Wonder Whyfriendly benefits
2007-02-18
I am facing a place now where i am trying to determine the actual benefits of friends with benefits. I am someone who has always wanted love and a long term lasting thing with someone. Yet someone who has nothing but heartbreak and disappointment in love. I also am a very sexual person..being in my peak..and very lonely with a lot to give and share inside.
AT this point in my llife i thought i would have had something by now. IF not then at least have things figured out. Another recent breakup is still crackling deep inside of me even though i have moved on. Why cant men just be clear? I have had several dates..several starts..but then nothing. I have found out recently that i still hurt inside when i did finally have sex with someone ,,the first since my ex. I was very disappointed and i jumped in too soon due to loneliness..but we both knew about that lonely thing on both sides..up front. It was just not what i expected, not really what i needed..i was disappointed and thinking of how it was nothing like it was with my ex..hoping that it would at least be fulfilling enough to move me on past that. Well then i am torn afterwards from being regretful of this action and feeling like i owe it a chance with this fellow..who professed wanting me to be his 'girl'.
A few others i have explained this to said i just plain old need to take a break from it all. I think that may be true. Yet..i know my needs..that i can not seem to quench myself..i need the human touch. I really need some good loving to blast me out of things too.
Once before long before my ex..i had given completely up on love and dreams and decided to take what i could get..and deal with that. You know a friend to hang with..banish the loneliness plus the added benefit of a lover without the drama and hangups that come from relationships...sounded great. yet..it worked fine a while,,but my ''friend" said he was afraid i was setting myself to get hurt..he said i was not the type to handle this and that i would get attached. Well i did get a tiny bit attached..but not that he knew of..i handled it pretty good. I just did come to the realization that it was ultimately cold and mechanical..all about going through the motions...it is then i decided to look for love again.
I guess i am writing this to my self since no one ever comments maybe not even reads what i write..i just want to know if there are truly beneifts to having a friend with benefits.? I mean it seems like for people like me it could be just what i need. Maybe not what i really want but instead the best thing for me. I cant be ''fooled''. I know what it is about..no false hopes or dreams to dash. SUre i would like love..but as amy lee says 'anything is better than to be alone''.
I see this more like a safe business deal...everyone gets what they need and the chance for heartbreak is far smaller..plus no drama. I would love any feedback.
GUYS, GUTS, AND GLORY
2007-02-04
Ok so here is my very first post ever and of course it has to be about guys. sigh. But i really have to know....what the heck is up with guys? I'm sure people are all different..ok. But guys are just different all together. Not all guys are the same and not all girls are the same. Yes but as far as understanding the opposite sex..apparently there is some secret sorce or coded info in them that they do share...here in lies the mystery.
My wonderings are too general i know. Is it a thing with all men, for instance, that they are always looking for the better deal? They are never really satisfied? They can turn their feelings/emotions on and off at the drop of a hat? THey want something, then get it and get tired of it and want something else? Or it jacks their ego up so high they think it'll always be there and they take it for granted until its gone. Im talking through a lot of pain and ignorance...but i really want to understand. There are some awesome guys out there. I just want ONE. One that is all mine and thoroughly respects and appreciates and wants me too...loves me. Yes that is what i want.
Why do men seem to objectify women? I know not all prob do..but i dont know for sure. WHen they think woman is it all about t&a? The "stuff" ya know? Do they ever see us as more? As people? Are we all "psycho's and bitches" to them? I would like to be more than that. I am more than that. It just doesnt seem to matter. IS it wrong for a woman to like sex and enjoy it...does that make her a slut? What if you like it but you still want it to be special and not with the whole town? What if you are just a sexual person with a sensual side..does that make you a ho? If you show this side of yourself to someone you like do they then see you as less than a person? I am sure that men like sex, enjoy it and possibly have a sexual side and dare i say prob could give a crap what we think about it. Why cant all of this stuff be simple, pure and real. IT is at heart...why does it have to be and get so complicated?
I know that women have lied. THat said doesnt it seem that men in particular are more apt to lie when it comes to getting phsyical? I mean if you get to a point in a 'relationship' of whatever kind, that the woman says 'hey, i really care about you, you are special to me, i want to get closer to you, and only you..and go somewhere from here..not just a one time thing' they guy is usually going to go all along with that whether they mean it or not...just to get at it? Am i right? Now is this a male phenomena or is it possible for a man to say the truth at this point..i dont know what i want right now..i am attracted to you and would love to but i dont want there to be regrets on your part..because i am not ready to be serious or what ever..? Surely there is a man that could do that? Ok but even still would it be a cleverly disguised ploy to make the woman think he is an honest, caring, person when he is just 'playing' to lead her into a web?
Ok i am confused...which is why i wonder. ANy feedback?
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