[Wonderwhy's Blog]
Wonder Whyfriendly benefits
2007-02-18
I am facing a place now where i am trying to determine the actual benefits of friends with benefits. I am someone who has always wanted love and a long term lasting thing with someone. Yet someone who has nothing but heartbreak and disappointment in love. I also am a very sexual person..being in my peak..and very lonely with a lot to give and share inside.
AT this point in my llife i thought i would have had something by now. IF not then at least have things figured out. Another recent breakup is still crackling deep inside of me even though i have moved on. Why cant men just be clear? I have had several dates..several starts..but then nothing. I have found out recently that i still hurt inside when i did finally have sex with someone ,,the first since my ex. I was very disappointed and i jumped in too soon due to loneliness..but we both knew about that lonely thing on both sides..up front. It was just not what i expected, not really what i needed..i was disappointed and thinking of how it was nothing like it was with my ex..hoping that it would at least be fulfilling enough to move me on past that. Well then i am torn afterwards from being regretful of this action and feeling like i owe it a chance with this fellow..who professed wanting me to be his 'girl'.
A few others i have explained this to said i just plain old need to take a break from it all. I think that may be true. Yet..i know my needs..that i can not seem to quench myself..i need the human touch. I really need some good loving to blast me out of things too.
Once before long before my ex..i had given completely up on love and dreams and decided to take what i could get..and deal with that. You know a friend to hang with..banish the loneliness plus the added benefit of a lover without the drama and hangups that come from relationships...sounded great. yet..it worked fine a while,,but my ''friend" said he was afraid i was setting myself to get hurt..he said i was not the type to handle this and that i would get attached. Well i did get a tiny bit attached..but not that he knew of..i handled it pretty good. I just did come to the realization that it was ultimately cold and mechanical..all about going through the motions...it is then i decided to look for love again.
I guess i am writing this to my self since no one ever comments maybe not even reads what i write..i just want to know if there are truly beneifts to having a friend with benefits.? I mean it seems like for people like me it could be just what i need. Maybe not what i really want but instead the best thing for me. I cant be ''fooled''. I know what it is about..no false hopes or dreams to dash. SUre i would like love..but as amy lee says 'anything is better than to be alone''.
I see this more like a safe business deal...everyone gets what they need and the chance for heartbreak is far smaller..plus no drama. I would love any feedback.
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